Destine To Lose
by Alex Warlorn
Summary: Li's reflection after the Final Judgement. And now Eriol is strike at the weak when they're down.
1. One girl's victory is another's man's . ...

destine to fail "You have fulfilled what you were destine to do." She say as she hangs up. Destine to do. What does that mean? That he was destine to fail? That he was destine to use Time and have Yue cause it to back fire on him? That he was destine from the start never to succed? That was destine for defeat before even the Clow Book opened? Clow Reed. His ancestor. Was this all some big joke to him where ever he was? Was the specture of the world's most powerful sourcerer laughing his head off right now at the boy's ignorance? Amused by the boy who thought he would become the master of the Clow Cards only to find this no face girl had come along and succuded wherre he had failed? No. She had failed too! Yue had beaten her the same way the moon gaurdain had beaten him by turning their own Clow Cards against them. And yet, that woman, had used that bell, to give her a second chance, a second chance! Didn't Yue say only one chance per canadate? Agh! Reed had KNOWN she would fail the first time, just as he himself would, and had decided he wanted this girl to be the Master of the Clow Cards, (no, he corrected himself bitterly, Sakura Card! #*&$^#) and so, he had that bell pass from generation to generation until that night at Tokeyo Tower where Yue had caused Wood to attack her. For her to get the second chance that wasn't sopposed to be. . . .   
This was his destiny? To help capture the Clow Cards she wasn't able to, only to have Yue strip him of them and then surrender them to her after she had beaten the moon gaurdain on that second try that wasn't sopposed to be. Destine to fail! Destine to [i] help [/i]. Has the soucerer ever considered what that boy a hundred life time from then would feel? Or did that just make it all the more amusing? He had spent a life time training for this. A life time for the sole perpose to become the new master of the spell card created by his ancestor.   
He felt a pain in his chest. Was this how Meiling felt? The knife stab of rejection? The painful realization that your an extra in this story. That you were around just to help someone else achive the position you yourself had spent your entire waking life striving for? He suddenly felt like he had serious misjudged his betroved.   
_ [i] "I'm disapointed. I exspected more from a derect decendant of Clow Reed." Commented Yue. [/i]_   
_ Just you wait and see! The boy had thought as he called out Time. Time froze. Except for himself, . . . and Yue, and then the boy followed suit._   
_ "Time is one of the Clow Cards under my control."_   
Clow Reed had left out the detail on Yue on perpose, that he had the power to over ride the control of certain Clow Cards, so both of them would fail, and only the one he wanted would remain for that second chance that wasn't sopposed to be . . .   
"This was my destiny~! To spend my life preparing for claiming the Clow Card! To help Her collect them! Was this all a joke to you Clow Reed! Some thousand year old prank you left for your decendants! You ate it up didn't you! Watching me fail! Watching me be defeated and being stripped of the Clow Card _[i] I [/i] _had risked my life collecting! And for what! For Her! For Her . . . damn . . . " He couldn't take it. He had expsected anger. He had exspected disapointment from his mother. But never . . . exspentency. She had known before this had even begun that he would fail. That he never had a chance. That all of this . . . just . . . was just a play with pre written scripts, that they were just playing out.She was destine to win. Why had she ever doubted herself? He was destine to fail. Why did he ever believe in himself? He looked at his capture sword inventingly next to his bed. He wouldn't play the game anymore. He would be a peice of amusment for a long dead wizard anymore. Or . . . or was that part of the game too!? The boy screamed. What were his choices!? What was predetermend!? The sword remained unused next to the bed. It would never be used again, not for magic or other traditional meathods as well. He was a living failure. Of course, Clow Reed had planned that. He had made sure of it.   
His mother, Clow Reed, Yue, they had all expsected and known he was going to fail. He was the only one who had been ignorant of the fact. That girl. She had the most potent magic in the world at her finger tips and yet she desired nothing! He realized he was crying, he didn't give a damn.   
He hated her. He hated Clow Reed. He hated his mother. He hated Meiling. He hated Yue. He hated Cerobaros. But most of all. He hated himself.   


Comments, flames, reactions, occasional constructive critizem all welcome.   
PS I know I can't spell.   



	2. Games?

Li didn't know it. He had no way of knowing. But he was being watched. His very injured soul put on display for someone else's amusement, if he had known, perhaps he wouldn't have been too surprised to who's entertainment his pain was being exhibited for.

Eriol couldn't help but smile seeing his great descendant wiggle like a worm on a hook on his inner torments, his over expectations of himself, and worse his mother's under expectations of him. They caused such agony within him Eriol knew the only thing left keeping the boy from throwing himself on his own capture sword was his conviction that shovoku would be the final act of cowardice. And Li refused to believe himself a coward. 

It was fun to watch him struggle, to hear his own thoughts of hatred of those around him and himself though the spell circle on the floor of his study. 

Eriol never considered himself evil per-say, he just felt he had inherited all of Clow Reed's power and sly behavior, without any of his restrictions on where the thin red line was. 

Sakura had defeated his creation Yue and was now Card Master as he knew she would become. Of course, Eriol had no intention of this resulting in one big happy ending. Not when there was so much he could do . . . so much fun he could have. 

The butterfly winged stuffed black cat next to him regarded him with no nonsense eyes. 

"I take it this one has earned your attention Master?"

Eriol spoke in his professional tone. "Quite."

"He seems rather unhappy."

"He had one foot in Hades." Eriol almost laughed at his own bad joke. "Normally manipulating people requires constant effort no matter what technique you use, be it forced control or maintaining an illusion inside their mind, but of course, my friend you already knew that."

"Yes Master."

"What you perhaps didn't know is that emotions are much more easy to control. Or rather, making it possible for someone to BE controlled that easier. Right now the boy is feeling like his own life has been one big cosmic joke where he was the only one who never got it. A joke I find father funny. However, he is about to prove quite useful to me in my little games I have planned for Sakura and her new guardians. . . . Oh Shoran, so much hate, so much anger, so much frustration, but you can't seem to focus it, so many people to shift the imaginary blame on . . . . don't worry, I'll make them all nice and focused for you. You'll know exactly who to hate, who to loath, who to wish that they had never been born. All your discipline is useless when your in pain such as this, making it all the easier for me to go inside your little head . . . and do some creative display on the power of suggestion. (a/n thanks Dragoness). . . By the contract Eriol doth command! Release!" 

His spell staff grew to its true size. Eriol looked down at Li, already formulating how he would have the boy proceed. "Sakura . . . you were willing to fight but not harm someone you loved for your own sake and the loves of others. But, what if it was the life of someone ELSE you had to defend . . . against another person you cared for? I don't really know. Don't worry. We'll find out together!" 

For a brief moment, a quite young girl with black silver hair, pale skin and innocent blue eyes took the place of Li on the spell symbol. Yes, how would Sakura react . . . to having protect a friend . . . from a friend? "As someone else once put it. Aim not for the body or the mind, the heart is such an easier target! And that Li, is the first thing I will teach you!" Eriol allowed himself a laugh before beginning the enchantment. 

Flames, comments, reactions, suggestion (VERY welcome), rants, reviews good or bad, compliments, insults, all welcome. 

Oh yea, please, don't **just** say 'MORE!' those reviews just leave me kinda empty.


	3. Chapter 3

"After I kill you, the –Clow- Cards will have no master

I've found out in the mean time that 'You did what you were meant to do.' Was totally added by the translators. But I've already added it in and it's now part of this story I'll have to go with it.

Hats off a little bit to Red Dwarf.

"Master." Said Spindle looking up from his book. "Wasn't it rather cruel to deceive the boy, your own descendant as you did . . . faking his mother's voice . . ."

Eirol smiled as always. "Cruel: maybe. Necessary: most likely. Fun? Oh most decidedly. Now come here my Guardian of the Eclipsed Sun. Your part in this melodrama is almost here."

"Me sir?" Spindle was afraid to find out his role in his master's 'vision' was this time.

"Oh yes . . . Ruby is out and about . . . and I would never leave you out . . . As much as I'd love to drag the game out, we are all on a time table." The spell circle showed Shaoron again. "And I know exactly how you can help speed things along."

The school day started as any other day, this included Sakura, in spite of the fact she had just recently beheld and barely avoided a future in which everyone she knew and care for, lost their dearest feelings for those they loved the most.

Though personally Sakura preferred the normal and mundane to her scraps with death and confrontations with awesome magical forces, she was just a grade school girl after all. Oh she loved Kero, and wouldn't trade him for anyone, but it was nice not to have to worry about Clow Cards, Final Judgments, and Li telling her how bad a mage she was. Well, the last one she would see about soon enough.

The close nit quintet of herself, Tomoyo, and the three musketeers, were engaged in the a-typical pre-class casual conversation that Sakura was able to join in for the first time in so long without having to look over her shoulder and expect to see some strangely dressed female spirit that wanted to play a game that involved the innocent destruction of public property and accidental harming of passersby. Most of the Clow Cards had never really been vicious: they'd just been ignorant of the misery they caused, like kids who didn't realize the gravity of their choices.

Li was completely silent when he came in, he didn't even look at her, let alone talk to her, ever since that night after the momentary celebration he had kept her at distance, like she had some fatal disease only he was capable of catching. It worried her. She knew it had to do with the Final Judgment. But Li had always been so calm, focused, even when made to do things he hated he still kept things at a clipped pace. This had to be the first time Sakura had ever seen Li just lay there or drag things along behind him. She had never once beheld him so, listless.

But that wasn't going to stop her from trying. As soon as she finally noticed he was there she said hello, made her normal cheerful greeting, asked how he was doing, he stayed completely silent. For a moment, just a moment, their eyes met, it was like staring at ten Meilings. It was a bubbling hostility that made Sakura wonder if Li had an evil twin brother who had secretly taken his place or if Mirror had gone mad and started cross-dressing. But that was silly.

Sakura shook off what she saw, that couldn't have been real, maybe she was just having a flash back to when she had beheld Yue for the first time, to see someone she liked, loved, turned into something almost inhuman. -?!- Loved? Where had that come from? Sakura shook her head again, her life was going back to normal at last and she wasn't the kind of person to ever get dragged down by 'what if's.

She looked into Li's eyes again after some probing, and really wished she hadn't. It was there again. It actually made Sakura take a step back in surprise: same expression as before.

The second bell rang, and order was brought to the world. Sakura's greatest surprise was when her teacher, and secret mystic, Mazuki did not step in through the doorway. A short explanation was giving, saying only that she had some family business to attend to in England of all places, and the lesson went on as normal.

Sakura didn't believe it, as soon as she learned her teacher was someone she could confide in about the strange happenings in her life, the woman left?

What was it that Mazuki had said that night (?): That the Moon Bell had served its purpose, and that the mystic had as well? Had she really entered Sakura's life for the sole purpose of giving Sakura that second chance? Had it been just duty to her? No, that was not it at all, Mazuki had help Sakura and her friends, even saved their lives once, she had done those things because she had chosen to, not because she had to.

What was that she had thought a moment ago? Her life going back to normal? Well, there was one less mystic in her life now, and she didn't feel the least bit happy about it.

Destined to lose. That's what you were.'

Lee talked to himself. He had been doing all in his dreams and all this morning. He just wouldn't stop mentally talking to himself no matter how hard he tried to concentrate or bury these thoughts under actions. And those words just kept repeating. He was surprised by the woman's sudden departure, but hardly dwelled on it: he had enough to think about.

'You're stronger than this.' He heard his mind take a different course. 'You're the better mage. You both lost, that fight therefore was invalid. Yue just couldn't stand the idea of a new master. The cards should belong to you.'

'What can I do about it?' He answered himself.

'The Clow Cards became claimable as soon as Clow Reed died: he simply knew Sakura wouldn't be born for a few hundred years yet. Everything has played out just like that old wizard wanted it to. There's no safety net protecting the girl now.'

'Huh?' Li didn't understand himself.

'As soon as the current Clow master dies, the cards become wild again! Do what you have to, and the cards will be yours!'

"NO!" Li stood up in class shouting. Everyone looked at him, including his teacher.

"My answer is incorrect Mr. Li? Very well, please explain how I am wrong . . ." The teacher said sternly.

Li felt every blood vessel on his face open up. One public humiliation in the hallways later (hey this was the Japanese school system what did you expect?) Li was back in class listening to the lesson drag on, and once again his thoughts running in bizarre and strange directions.

'I won't do it.'

'This isn't about YOU little boy, this is your family's HONOR as mages at stake! What's more important? The lives of a couple emptied headed -women- or the honor of the entire Li clan!' Li's thoughts were silent for a very, very long time.

Wait? WoMEN?' Li didn't know what that meant. Women, as in more than one.

Strike the enemy where they are the most naked. And you will inflict the maximum damage.

It dawned on Li what the voice meant. 'I'm not like that!'

Of course you are, I'm your own thoughts aren't I? If I'm not your own mind telling you what you need to do, then what could I be? And think of how surprised and pleased your family will be, when you return with the Clow Cards! After all, who'd want an empty headed woman as the next most powerful magic user of this age? You must do this, for everyone.

'For, everyone.'

"Lee. Are you feeling okay? You look pale." Sakura asked politely, regardless of what she had seen, she wasn't about to be afraid of one of her own friends that was not even under the control of some unknown evil magical force.

"I'm fine." Li actually said something: that had to be an improvement! Any other talk was silenced by a quick glance by their new teacher.

It truly was bliss for Sakura to have a whole normal school day without having to worry about magic, and knowing Kero was back at home stuffing his face instead of doing it here where someone could see him.

She did notice Tomoyo seemed a –little- down, Sakura thickly didn't connect the whole 'not having to make anymore costumes or tape Sakura' with Tomoyo's mood. Sakura intended to ask her best friend what the deal was, but she couldn't find her at their normal meeting spot after school ended for the day. She asked the trio, but they hadn't seen Tomoyo since their last class together. Odd. Tomoyo wasn't one to miss out on Sakura Time unless she had to.

Sakura called Tomoyo's home, only to find Tomoyo's mother had gone near crazy calling police and her own personal resources looking for her baby who hadn't there to be picked up by Tomoyo's gang of bodyguards.

This was when Sakura got worried. She ran like mad to her home, hoping Kero might have seen something, anything, yes it was completely irrational, but it had become habit over the past year during her time as the Card Captor.

She didn't make it home when her cell phone rang: the one Tomoyo had given her early in their adventures. Such an idiot! She had completely forgotten about it! She fumbled with it and yelled frantically into the voice piece. "Tomoyo! Where are you?! Are you okay?!"

"This isn't Tomoyo." The voice, -sounded-, like Li, but it couldn't be, even at his worst, Li never sounded that cold, that, heartless. "Come Sakura. Come to me. Alone. Without the stuffed animal or the Judge. Come to that woman's shrine. Now. Or your shadow dies."

Sakura nearly dropped the phone, her breathing stopped, her heart stopped, her legs stopped, her voice died. This was a nightmare. It had to be. Only way this could be happing. Only way this was possible!

"Li…this isn't funny!" Sakura managed to rasp.

"It isn't meant to be. Come before I think you've chickened out, and she dies."

"LI!" Sakura shouted. It was only by sheer chance that no one was around to hear her outburst. Sakura called, cried, screamed into the phone, and called the cell phone number again and again, but never got an answer.

What do I do? What can I do? Sakura took the key, and spoke her word of command. Nothing happened. She went pale. No… please no… not now…She wanted to be free of this non-sense called magic, and now she was. And she going to, no, Tomoyo was going to pay for it so dearly.

Sakura felt her tears well up, please no, no, no! "Why?" She croaked. She yelled at the sky. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I take it back! Please don't leave me now! I need you!" Sakura said her word of command again, and again, and again! Nothing! Which seemed to also be her odds of waking up from this nightmare.

Saying a prayer, Sakura ran as fast her legs could carry her, to Miss Mazuki's shrine, where she had encountered Maze. She thought of how she had helped the woman clean up the place once. Mazuki was Sakura's picture of her ideal self. Beautiful, kind, calm regardless of the situation, and always knowing where she was going in life. Sakura didn't have that same unbreakable confidence.

Sakura was athletic, with or without Dash she was quick on her feet. If she had paced herself, she would have made it to the shrine with energy to spare, but she wasn't in a state of mind to think about that right now. Li had gone mad. Tomoyo was going to die. Had no one to turn to. Magic gone. She was trapped. She barely took note that the place was closed to visitors as she walked onto the holy ground: apparently they hadn't found a priestess to replace Mazuki yet.

Li was in plain sight, and so was Tomoyo. Sakura could see the giant bruise on the side of the head belonging to her best friend. She could also see the dead look in the eyes of her teammate.

Sakura shouted, her anger building. "I don't know who you are but let Tomoyo and Li go!" A bluff, but Sakura didn't care.

"… I am Shaoron Li you stupid girl. And your lap dog is staying right where she is."

"What is this all about?! Li! Shaoron! I know you! You aren't like this!"

"This is what this is all about." Abandoning his unconscious hostage, Li drew his capture sword, and proceeded to skewer Sakura's vital organs with it.

Like said before, with or without magic, Sakura was quick on her feet, and she had seen Li use his sword dozens of times, sadly she knew as much about hand to hand combat as Li did about video games. "Shaoron what are you doing?!"

Shaoron gave her that look he always gave her when he thought she had just asked a question too stupid to be worth answering. "You can't tell? You truly are a moron."

Sakura could tell exactly what he was doing. And it was as crazy as if Shaoron had sprouted a second head. "No! This isn't happening! This can't be real!"

"Tell me if this feels real." Shaoron did a surprised thrust meant to go through Sakura's head: instead it only left a bleeding slice along her right cheek.

"Please Shaoron! What will this change?! What will this prove?!" If this really was Shaoron, and not some fake, then she had to reason with him, not that she had any other options at the moment. If she tried to escape, he'd kill Tomoyo without a doubt. If she tried to just grab her and run, then Li would run her through from behind.

Li just kept attacking, he didn't stop, wouldn't stop, the voice wouldn't let him. "After I kill you, the –Clow- Cards will have no master. They'll scatter again, and with no one to keep getting my way, this time I'll collect the cards to have enough power to challenge and defeat Yue myself!"

A look of pity crossed Sakura's face in spite of herself. "Shaoron . . . Yue said there can be only be one test per-person." Sakura hasn't made such a large mistake since calling upon Wood to entrap Yue.

"YOU DID!" Li's capture sword whizzed past Sakura's head into the sakura right behind her. The same one where Sakura had been zapped into the past, and Shaoron had used Time to pull her back into the present. Sakura was sure she should have been dead after that, but she was still here. Odd.

"If that's . . . . ifthatswhatyouwantthenfine!" Sakura rambled. "But leave Tomoyo out of this! She's done nothing to you! She has nothing to do with this!"

That dead look in his eyes. "By killing you, with the knowledge that your little friend is going die right after," He might as well have impaled her heart, "will make your experience all the sweeter for me! To see that look of helpless doom in your eyes! To experience things that are beyond your choice or control, but affect you and those you love all the same. I want you to wallow in it!"

"…" Sakura was stunned silent. Her eyes became hard. "You dirty fake. Let Shaoron go or I'll make you leave him you filthy puppeteer!"

"Excuse me?"  
"Shaoron was a jerk when I first met him, and sometimes he still is. But he wouldn't kill the friend of someone he considered an enemy, which even at his worst he never saw me as, just to inflict hurt on them. He's better than that. He's stronger than that. And he didn't hide behind others making them do his dirty work! You haven't once told me to use my capture key and fight you like a mage! Shaoron isn't a bully or a coward! Please Shaoron this isn't like you!"

"Maybe you've just never known the real me. Maybe you've only seen what you've wanted to see. Or maybe you were just too thick to wake up to reality."

"No." Sakura said simply.

"What?" Li said with a look reserved for someone lost totally in her own stupidity and arrogance, Sakura utterly ignored the look.

"I'm hardly the greatest mage the world has ever seen . . . but I still know you Shaoron. You've helped me, fought along side me . . . you're my friend. And I know, without a doubt, you'd –never- murder someone . . . not in anger . . . not to prove something. You're not a killer Shaoron. You're better than that."

"But, my thoughts tell me, they say, my family, what is, better than." Shaoron began to speak disconnectedly. Li's eyes went from dead into shock, confusion, doubt, and fear. He stared at her, but the look had completely changed, he expression was –pleading- at her, asking her for help!

But what could she do? Her magic had abandoned her, because she had abandoned it. What did she have? 'I have myself.'

"Li if that really is you, then you know that this is something you'd never do. And … I know that I have nothing to fear from a friend." What Sakura did next was beyond stupid: she took a step foreword towards Li. His sword swing clipped off a few strands of hair, but Sakura somehow managed not to cringe.

Sakura grabbed him with both arms, trapping his sword arm which was strangely unresisting. That was when Sakura saw Li's other arm pulling out one of his spell tags.

"Element! Thunder!" Sakura braced herself for the end. The lightning struck, and struck its target dead on. Something screamed in pain, flaying around from its spot on Li's shoulder.

Sakura could see some, -thing- flee Shaoron, perched on him, the lightning had been attracted to it rather than either of the two mages. It escaped with greatest of fear, maybe she was imagining things, but it looked like a black version of Kero. Whatever it was, it retreated from its victim, having been found out, out of sight before either could give mind to pursue it.

"Sakura." Shaoron fell to his knees as Sakura broke their embrace. "Thank you…I, I am sorry, I am so sorry." He hung his head.

"You should have let me shoot him." Yue said darkly to the Guardian Beast on the perched treetop where they had observed the whole thing.

Kerberos shook his head, "I have faith in Sakura, and knew the Brat well enough to know his pride would never let himself resort to playing dirty unless someone was playing him."

"It was still a great gamble brother."

"The deck was stacked here, because if I've learned anything about Sakura after all this time, is that she never lets her friends down."

"I don't see it."

"Ya will in time, don't worry, you just need to lighten up!"

Shaoron had the picture of shame on his face. "Sakura, devil on my shoulder or not, I don't think I'll be able to ever totally amend for my actions today. I didn't want to be used…so, I let myself be used."

"I was scared, but now that I think about it, I was in a lot less danger than I thought."

"What do you mean?" Li was confused by her statement.

Sakura's answer actually came out as a laugh of joy. "You kept missing! I said I knew you, and I know you'd never miss like that unless you wanted to."

Shaoron was surprised by just how much that made him feel better. "Still, what caused all this? What did this?" Shaoron found it odd to be asking questions for a change, to Sakura of all people, but for better or worse, he knew now that she was the card master, and her point of view, was one to heed.

Sakura only smiled and said. "Don't worry. We'll find out." _'I swear it.' _

A smoked and charred Spindle, in his house pet form, drunkenly flew to his master's side, Eriol took minimum notice of his creation's presence.

"I am both entertained and impressed my Sakura. I said even I wasn't sure what your reaction would be. Now I know."

Spindle rose what passed for an eyebrow. "Then you are pleased Master?"

"Yes. But there are many, many more tests ahead for you my Sakura. Let us see how things go from here."

Eriol was true to his word. There were more tests, all pushing Sakura to her limit, increasing her boundaries. She found her new word of command when it counted, her power had never left her. Each near disaster conscripting a new Clow Card within the growing ranks of Sakura Cards.

Then came when both Luna and Sol were eclipsed, sparing only the tiny camp fires in the sky, all the innocents of the city that Sakura called home lay trapped in a sleep chained to them by Eriol for his final trail of Sakura's strength and will. For Eriol had seen the truth. He had witnessed it in the second half of Sakura's fateful confrontation with Yue, and again when Eriol had turned Shaoron into his emotional puppet: Sakura's full potential and power would only show itself when the destiny of those she cared for balanced on the needle point.

Now here she stood face to face before him, Yue and Keroberos having made their own gamble with their lives betting on Sakura's inner strength. But had they misplaced their faith in this tiny ten-year-old child? Had everything been for nothing? Even now she struggled hopelessly for the power to convert Light and Darkness to her name, the cards swaying violently back and forth between their two masters, Sakura's mana ever so slowly collapsing in on itself. Was she going to fail?

. . .

It didn't matter. She had one friend left who refused to let the darkness take him, one who would not return the sweet embrace of dreamless nothingness, one, who would not let her fail.

"We can do this." He whispered taking hold her of staff as well. "Together." And the tide turned in a roar in the favor of the one who drew her power from neither the sun nor the moon. The darkness shattered, retreating before the new army of light. Eriol knew with a strange mix of satisfaction and relief that his night had finally ended, and Sakura and Shoron's dawn, had at last begun.

Six month from that moment they would face the dread card Void and be victorious, for even if ever separated by distance, their hearts and souls, could not ever be divided.

And Eriol had to admit, even to himself, the mystery of such power escaped even him. It felt good.

Fin

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